This Week's Query Letter
Here is this week's query letter. Let's help each other hone our query skills by leaving your thoughts and suggestions in the comments. (I've already got the discussion started, don't leave me hangin'!)
Dear Editor X,
As a writer and a mother, intellectual freedom, especially in print, is very important to me. This year I will be actively teaching my eldest child, a nine year old, about banned books. There is a great amount of educational information available, even at this age range.
I'm writing to propose to you a 3,500 feature piece: "Banned Books and Your Child, Start Intellectual Freedom Now." This piece is aimed at a young, progressive mother to children age 8-15, and should dovetail nicely with Banned Books Week (beginning September 27 and lasting through October).
This piece would cover the following, with call outs and quotes noted:
(Article outline/bullets here. Removed by writer's request.)
Editors, I am a professional freelancer with over 12 years of writing experience. My current clients include X, X, and Y. I have also written for Z, from which I am sending two clips (attached).
I offer only professional work, tight deadlines and open communication. Let's get to work!
Signed, Ms. B.
I’ll start. First, this query leaves out the “meat” of the article on purpose, but in the original query letter it was included in bullet form. What do you all think of that? I’ve never seen bullets used this way in a query letter, but I’ve always thought they make life easier due to scanning.
The Banned Books and Your Child should have been the lede, not info on who the author is. The editor wants to know the idea.
The second error is ever proposing a 3,500 word article and for busy mothers. Who in the world is going to read that. Eeks.
Try again.
Your comments are right on! Be more tactful, though, many of the pitches I have lined up have been published.
To new writers- query letters aren’t necessarily YES or NO. I’ve personally had a few that include a back and forth. I could see this being one of those with Laura’s good points above.
I shouldn’t give out my trade secretes, but . . .
Banned Books Week is only one of thousands of ideas that can be found in “Chase’s Calendar of Events”. It is published in September/October and cost about $60.00. There is no need to set up a brainstorming session, just get Chase’s, a pen and highlighter, a glass (or two) of wine, and spend an evening or two reading and looking for ideas. There are so many ways to use it and once you start logging onto the web sites of the many organizations and events listed and doing a search or two, you will have more query ideas that you can handle.
While there are many local events listed, there are page after page of events that can be spun for a local slant — wherever you are!
Many libraries have the book, but I always have my copy and spend most of November and December planning out next year.
Jinski
J- I know how you feel about giving out your secrets. I think that’s why I’m not getting tons of letter to critique HOWEVER I really appreciate your resource~thank you.
I think it’s a great idea though I agree about the word count. It sounds fresh to me and I’ll admit that I didn’t know about Banned Books Week – perhaps we don’t hold this event in Canada.
I always thought the best way to open up a query is with a sample lede – something in the same tone as the magazine you’re pitching. That way the editor can see you know their style. If it hooks the editor, it should hook the readers.
3500 words might be on target for her publication – it could be a magazine that likes long, in depth work.
I like the bullet idea – if this is going to be 3500 words, she’s got a lot of info to pass along in a quick fashion.
I think the idea is wonderful. I agree with Laura Bell that the lead should have been different. I would have moved the first sentence to your last paragraph, and then written a lead more like “What does this book and this book have in common?” Or something that would have grasped the editor’s attention.
The article idea should have been fleshed out in two paragraphs. Bullets do not seem appropriate. Was the article appropriate for this magazine? The reason I ask this is because you aim it towards a specific group but shouldn’t the magazine readers as a whole be the entire focus; not just a segment?
I would delete your current clients. If they are magazine you have written for, I would have said that I have written several pieces for these magazines. Also, were the magazine clips you sent similar to what the magazine has in theirs?
The last sentence is a little cheesy. I would have just concluded the letter in another way.
Laura Bell: A little tact would be more helpful, I think. Rudeness is so often the mark of insecurity.
She does not say it’s a 3,500 word piece; she says it’s a 3,500 feature piece. That would be one extensive tome! My advice: (1) proofread, (2) proofread, (3) proofread, then hand letter to trusted friend or colleague who has solid proofreading skills and repeat suggestions 1-3.
OK. Here’s the thing. I honestly did not want to read the query after the first sentence. At this point in time, if I were a literary agent (and would like to be one someday) I am not interested in her. I want to know how much she can engage me with words and, since this is a nonfiction piece, what she can teach me.
Also bullet form is not the way to snag an agent or an editor. Typically a query is three paragraphs: hook, summery, bio. That’s it. I’ve also read more about HER rather than her work than I would care to. I want to know her work, because that’s what’s going to make both of us a little green. She’s also sending in clips without being invited. Big no no to me. And that last line is all wrong! All you need to do is thank them for thier consideration and tell them that you will send them your full work if they ask for it. This query also looks like (with a lot of the info removed) that it’s longer than one page. One page is the limit.
Honestly, this is the perfect example of what NOT to do in a query letter.
“Honestly, this is the perfect example of what NOT to do in a query letter.”
But, Madison, this query was accepted, which kind of says that a lot of these things are individual preferences? (Which is bad news for us writers who want a predicatable method of selling our work!)